Waves

I’m on the plane, again and alone, departing to my hometown to deal with a few pending matters. I open my backpack and fetch one of the books that I am currently reading. Sometimes is good to shut my mind. I overthink even when I don’t want to, so it feels good to dive my mind into another world. After a while I bow my head through the window and gaze the earth down there, small & fragile. The land is all painted with a tender white and for a second I recall the first time I saw snow at Serra da Estrela. Those moments & emotions still fill my heart with joy.

My parents are waiting for me. The sun burns my eyes. Zu and Darwin are surprised and happy to see me. Oh, perhaps Mr. Darwin is a little bit grumpy; the drama in that one is strong!

*

In the morning I go for some blood analysis. I watch the sunlight painting over the city as the sun rises up. I stroll around in my city afterwards. I like to stroll in the early morning, there’s always a sense of quietness that vanishes in a matter of seconds when the city regains its daily life. Some stores are getting ready to open up and kids on their way to school. A small murmur. It is only for a moment.

I take the opportunity to come up it the list of books that I want to read this year whilst I wait for an espresso and a croissant.

*

Another day. It’s 10 AM and I’m at the Veterinary to update Darwin’s Passport. I take the opportunity to schedule him a bath.

I go to the doctor and I let my mind wander while I wait.

My favorite time here is always when Zu and I take long walks. It’s one of those best friends that you can ask for. There is always sense of serenity and tranquility.

One afternoon I’m at my parent’s garage. There are so many books, papers, notebooks and all the school & college stuff that need to be put in boxes. Years and more years of learning and study turned out in heavy boxes. I found some letters and postcards from old friends and I cannot help but to get nostalgic and with a smiling face. At the same time I found some photographs. I stopped at one that is now a little damage by the time; it’s me with 11 years old with my old cat and dog. I miss the times that we need to develop the negatives to get the photographs. I found another one that despite my cheery expression I remember that I was facing one of the hardest times. I was very sick, spiritually & physically, and it is hard to look at me that way… Sometimes I wonder and fear if I’ve been living over and over again the same sentence.

*

I’m on the plane again, with Darwin under the seat in front of me. My head hurts and all I want for a moment is close my eyes and sleep. I haven’t slept much all week. My eyes are full of tears. Some days I just don’t know how to cope. I have so much to be thankful for, although at times I just feel worthless, like falling in a deep of endless darkness. I know that everything goes by and that this too will pass, it has been constantly like that… because the Sun is always there, even when it’s cloudy or dark. Life's winter is all about testing the resolve on us and on how we overcome it.

We arrived and Jorge is waiting for us.

Back home. I fall in a deep asleep.